Utterly Star Trek Review

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Star Trek 3.13 (Elaan of Troyius)

Cast:
France Nuyen(Elaan)
Jay Robinson(Lord Petri)
Tony Young(Kryton)
Lee Duncan (Lt. Evans)
Dick Durock(Elasian Guard #1)
Charles Beck(Elasian Guard #2)
K.L. Smith (Klingon)
Victor Brandt (Technician Watson)

Writer: John Meredyth Lucas  

“Mister Spock, the women on your planet are logical.  That’s the only planet in this galaxy that can make that claim.”  That is a quote from Kirk just before he absorbs some of Elaans tears.  But I am getting ahead of myself.

Elaan is going to marry some blue bloke, she is royalty on her own world and her marriage to the Troyian will help bring peace.  Lord Petri is aboard to try and train her how to behave.  The problem is that she is a completely spoiled bitch, and she tries to kill Petri.  Although she does not succeed, he is incapacitated enough to prevent him from completing his mission.  So Kirk tries to train her, and ends up absorbing some of her tears and becoming utterly devoted to her.

In addition to all of this, a Klingon ship is following them and one of Elaans guards has booby trapped the warp engines so that as soon as they go to waqrp drive the ship will explode!

Elaan is vile.  Yes, I get that she is meant to be but her vileness is just unforgivable and when Kirk falls for her (admittedly under the influence of a very strong chemical) you just want to punch him in the face and possibly the writer of this piece of crap as well.

The Klingons eventually fire on the Enterprise, and give chase.  It turns out that Elaan is wearing a necklace made of “common stones” from her world, and by a staggering coincidence they turn out to be dilithium crystals, which explains the Klingon interest and also enabled Scotty to fix the warp drive and they warp the heck out of there!

The story has two problems.  The first is that the spoiled brat character of Elaan is just tedious, and the second is the level of coincidence that enables the Enterprise to escape from the Klingons.

At the end of the episode, the pheromone thing in Elaans tears that made Kirk fall for her is still present, which suprised me – when McCoy said that there was no cure I assumed that he would find one.  (Well, he does, but Spock pointed out that Kirk would not need it, as the Enterprise had infected him a long time ago).

The basic concept of this episode is done again in a Next Generetion episode The Perfect Mate.  Only it is done much, much better.

Crew Deaths: 0
Total Crew Deaths So Far: 46
Score: 3/10 

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May 12, 2008 - Posted by | arranged marriage, klingons |

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